Another Survey Thing

4) What do you think about most?
Love, and how I might find it, whether I ever *will* find it, and how I'd survive without it...

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

I am so pathetic that I have literally never sent or received a text message. That's like saying I don't breathe or something in this modern world, right?

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
I wear an elaborate clown costume complete with huge rubber shoes and face makeup. Either that, or I sleep nude out in the street. Either that, or I wear pyjamas. Yes.

7) What's your strangest talent?
Sadly, I don't feel I have any 'talents' that could be called 'strange'! Or at least I can't think of any right now.

Girls are nicer; boys are too aggressive. Surely my naive bitterness and frustration is palpable here.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
I wish.

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
This is not a thing that I would do.

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

I'm absolutely terrified of brains, as in the organ, its appearance... Most of my nightmares involve them, and I can't tolerate gore at all if it might include them in any way. Even cartoons with them in are unwatchable to me. It's a strange phobia, but a REALLY strong one.

NO BUT I STUCK A FOREIGN PERSON UP THERE ONCE AH HAH AHAHAH HAHAAH H H HA HA.

By which I mean 'no'.

13) What's your religion?
I am not religious.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Probably walking around hoping someone will talk to me even though they most certainly will not!!! ;_;

By which I mean 'heading to or from the shop, probably'.

I'd love to go out for frequent walks, but I've nobody to go with so it's just too lonely to bother.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Neither!! But if I was forced to choose and threatened by death, I'd definitely say behind it. I can't look at photos of myself, and few exist because of that.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

My answer is actually really simple because I don't like any bands at all! The music I listen to is instrumental and by composers (classical and video game stuff), not bands.

17) What was the last lie you told?
I said I stick foreign people up my nose. Oh, gods, I never should have said that. It was just too awful and deceptive and, well, I weep now at the memory of it. I weep so much.

18) Do you believe in karma?
No.

19) What does your URL mean?
My URLs are 'fighunter' and 'alorafane', which have meanings based on the games I make, but if this means my username, well... Pseudolonewolf is a FAKE LONE WOLF. I always liked the idea of being a 'lone wolf' - especially that term because I like wolves! - but I NEED other people and can't survive alone, hence the deceptiveness of that. It's more like I deceive myself though? Like I say I'm a loner, when I really can't survive like that. Like this. I really am a loner these days though and it's unbearable.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is my pickiness, perhaps. Or my jealousy. Both highly admirable and appealing traits, surely. That pickiness makes it really, really hard for me to find things or people I really enjoy being around, which leads to my loneliness... and the jealousy means that even if I were to find someone right, I'd probably be torn up about how much better their life was than mine, since they'd certainly have a bunch of friends and stuff already, while I wouldn't.

I'd love to say that my greatest strengths are things like genuinely caring about others and being empathetic, as well as being self-motivated enough to teach myself all my most important skills, but both of those feel like they're faded these days due to the frustration of isolation.

I've never had one. I don't think of these famous pretty people in that kind of way...

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
OH ALL THE TIME, in puddles in the middle of the road. By which I again mean 'no'.

23) How do you vent your anger?

I never really get what I'd call 'angry', and it worries me how many people openly do... I mean, I never, ever scream and shout or even raise my voice, and I certainly don't punch and smash things. Instead, I get 'frustrated' a lot, which is like a frowny sort of simmering that I vent through writing journal entry things here and another site that I made.

I like the idea of collecting things, but I don't think I've ever really become attached to any one thing for long enough to gather what I'd call a 'collection' of it!

Typing in a computer, ideally, where I can think about what I'm saying... I'm anxious when I have to speak with my human mouth, and the idea of a video conversation scares me.

26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
I don't know. I don't think so. There are certain aspects of myself that I do like and wish that other people shared - such as my pacifism and consideration of others and such - but I've basically become a bitter recluse and this is no way to live. I'm constantly seeking an escape, but it's hard to get out of a huge pit like this once you've fallen in. I admire and greatly envy people who are happy, and who write journals here on deviantART about loving their friends and watchers and such.

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
I hate the sound of eating! I can't stand it! Eugh! Horrible! I like gentle and unusual sounds, but I can't think of any examples!

28) What's your biggest "what if"?
What if I NEVER meet anyone, any friends, a person to love? Would life even be worth living? How many years of that could I tolerate? At what age would it simply be too late to meet anyone?

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
I'm intrigued by ghosts, though I'm doubtful that they're human souls haunting the world. Rather, I imagine they're something psychological?

As for aliens, I think it's silly to think that we're the only life in the entire universe, UNLESS the universe was a simulation specifically set up to have us as the only life here. I don't know about aliens visiting us, but I do think that if their technology allowed them to flit around the galaxy with ease, then they might keep an eye on every planet with life, quietly watching, with a 'Prime Directive' sort of rule that prevents them from interfering.

I'm not so convinced by the stories of hillbillies being sucked up into saucers, but I am still intrigued by 'ufology' in general!

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm

My right arm touches nothing, emptiness, the void, just like the empty hole that fills my heart these days. O woe.

My left arm touches a piano. Yes.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
THE AIR. Or actually, basically nothing because my nose is bunged up. Ugh!

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?

I don't know, I tend to want to avoid bad places... I can't think of anywhere.

Asking me this is like asking an American to choose between Lancashire and Yorkshire, probably.

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
Wasn't there already a question like this? Young girls and their physical obsession with rugged pretty boys! Makes me envious and such.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
To use what I have to create something that I can enjoy... And to find love, since I really can't imagine life without it.

36) Define Art.
I use this word to describe stuff that has been creatively made, usually without a pragmatic purpose. I'm not really interested in pretentiously discussing what "Is Art" and so on.

37) Do you believe in luck?
I often say that I have a 'poor Luck stat'...

38) What's the weather like right now?

Cloudy and overcast, like usual.

39) What time is it?
1:28pm. I hope you understand more about me from this piercing question.

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
I don't drive, no, though I wonder if I'll need to learn one day... I don't trust myself with my life, and I don't like the thought of sharing a road with a bunch of, well, HUMANS. I'm looking forward to those self-driving cars though! I'd have one of those, I think.

41) What was the last book you read?

I've been reading 'Snuff', a Discworld book, for like 12 weeks, on and off. o_O

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
I call it petrol, and no, I really hate it. I used to hate how my step-dad would stop his car at the petrol station and leave the door open while he filled it up. Ugh. Vile.

43) Do you have any nicknames?
The people on my website have called me nicknames before, but I've never embraced them myself.

44) What was the last movie you saw?
We watched Rango in class yesterday, which I also happened to have seen for the first time just a couple of weeks earlier!

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
I'm not exactly a PHYSICAL DAREDEVIL, so I don't remember having ANY real injuries... Cuts and scratches are probably all that I can think of. I've never broken a bone.

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
No, though I caught a damselfly as a child... It makes me feel sad, though, because I basically sentenced it to death by doing so. D:

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
I am obsessed with finding friends?!? And, uh, really, really bad at it and putting basically no effort into it? Hmm.

48) What's your sexual orientation?
het man yah i likes me sum ladys

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
I can't remember... It's been so long.

50) Do you believe in magic?
I wish it were real, but see no reason to believe that it is!

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
Yes. To an absurd extent. I literally can't read comments by people on my website who've written comments that made me feel bad a certain number of times, even though it's been years since that happened. It's just not worth the pain, though.

52) What is your astrological sign?
FISHIES.

53) Do you save money or spend it?
It's rare that I spend money; I'll never understand what it's like to be the sort of person who, after getting money either from their job or a prize or whatever, immediately spends it all on one big splurge. Seems so irresponsible! And I have little interest in material possessions anyway.

54) What's the last thing you purchased?
Hmm... Pokemon X, I think? Well, other than food, anyway.

55) Love or lust?
I could never have sex with someone UNLESS I was deeply in love with them... Being a man, lust does drive me a lot, but it comes in waves, sort of; sometimes I feel it strongly, then a week later it's not in my system at all. My longing for love is ever present, though; I just wish I had something to QUENCH it.