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Core Values

Journal Entry: Sat Sep 8, 2012, 6:55 AM
  • Playing: Miasmon
What things would you say are most important to you? Specifically conceptual things, 'values', rather than possessions or people...

I have a strong set of values that drive me, and which make me feel lonely, because I'm reluctant to befriend anyone who has a different set of values (because of what my own values are)... I know I've only myself to blame for being so picky, but I feel stressed and pressured when interacting with people who don't follow these values in the same way that I do, perhaps in a similar way that a strong moral vegetarian might not feel at ease watching their friend eat a steak. Or something.

I was linked to this thing, which is a list of words that could be used to describe certain 'values':…
I went through the list eliminating those which I didn't feel anything much for, or which I felt negatively about, so that I'm left with the ones that I consider important to and definitive of me.

Some of them were:

(Relating) - Intimacy, Closeness, Harmony, Partnership, Love
(Gentleness, Pacifism, Peace; absence of aggression and dominance)
Sensitivity, Care
Empathy, Compassion
Art, Creativity
Acknowledgement, Accomplishment, Achievement

The ones in brackets aren't from the list that I linked to, but they're important to me all the same.

Above all else, I seem to be on a constant quest to find some kind of 'soulmate'; a person who shares my values, my outlook, the gentle, sensitive and considerate attitude that I try so hard to maintain and which I so very much admire (as opposed to apathy, snarkiness, trolling, blunt criticism, condescension, imperative statements, that kind of thing). I crave a deep emotional bond, 'companionship of the soul', above all else, so that tops my values list. Someone who's as much like me as possible... Not because I narcissistically think I'm so great or anything, but because I hate conflict and clashing traits and interests, and would feel further from them if they did things that I didn't, and closer for each thing that we shared in common...
Much of what I do is done to seek out or 'lure in' such hypothetical people... I've not had much success.

The other values I've listed mainly relate to this same general concept... I hate conflict, violence, ego, 'putting people in their place', laughing or shrugging things off, things worded as blunt commands, swearing, drinking, harsh and aggressive music, anything that suggests a lack of truly 'caring' deeply about things, a lack of gentleness, a sort of selfishness or disrespect for the minds of oneself or others... I could go on, but I feel that with every thing I list, I further distance myself from most people in the world.
I don't feel like I'm 'better than' such people; just that we're on completely different wavelengths, so I don't feel any affinity with them and it manifests as a sort of frustration.
I admire people who care deeply, and understand, and feel, and handle others gently whenever possible, who don't feel anger, who don't have 'thick skins' or any desire to be 'tough' or 'strong', and who always strive for compromises and explanations rather than wanting to be 'dominant'... People who literally avoid hurting even the smallest fly, who'll spend time rescuing moths from puddles if they can. People who care about every little thing they say, every comment they leave, hoping to make their words worthwhile, detailed, well-written, and personalised (I dislike brevity and 'stock comments' that could be applied to anything)... Deep, rather than merely skimming the surface, always providing a set of reasons or further thoughts (compare "I like it!" with "I love X, Y, and Z in this image; it makes me feel A, B, C...").
I hold these values strongly in my own heart, of course, and live by them, which is why I admire them in others.

Interestingly, however, I enjoy complaining with others, probably because of all the 'injustice' or 'imperfection' that I see in a world that doesn't follow my own values, and I find catharsis in having an ally who sees as I do rather than yet another person telling me to see things differently (as they do).
(By 'complaining with', I mean things like "I hate X!", "Me too!", which is always nicer than "I hate X!", "You shouldn't hate X, have you even given it a try?")

I greatly admire openness; people who readily speak about their feelings and weaknesses genuinely, rather than swaggering around with a pretentious façade to seem stronger or wiser than they actually are... I like people who openly show their basic personal information like age and sex, and dislike it when those things are hidden as if they're amazing and special secrets, or as if their owner transcends them in some way and as such doesn't want to be associated with such facts.

I also value and admire introversion, and of course art and creativity (which is why I'm here); I find it hard to understand people who don't have any creative hobbies.

My games have received quite a bit of acknowledgement, which is great! It's something I specifically aimed for too, in a way; I want my creative works to be noticed, acknowledged, etc, and I put a lot of time and effort into them (or my games, anyway; I don't feel the same way about my visual art) in order to achieve that.

I hate it when people think that they are 'awesome', or who brag about how great they or their achievements are. I find self-deprecation more charming, because I can relate to it more.

It's irritating that many who, like me, follow the 'peace and love' kind of attitude - and who abstain from drinking and swearing and stuff like that too - are religious, because I struggle to get along well with people who believe so strongly in something that I see as having no basis in truth or reality... So I added 'Atheism' there, because it's a value that I'd required to be shared by that hypothetical 'soulmate' in order for me to feel truly close to them...

Anyway, what are YOUR values, people? What things do you try to live by, and admire in others? Do you even have a list of strong values like this that you 'judge' yourself and others by? Perhaps not; I often feel like I'm an oddball for being so 'passionate' and 'strict' about my own.


Are you sensitive and introverted? SensitiveIntroverts may help you find similar minds!
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ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012   Writer
My friends say I am intelligent, considerate, kind, dependable, strong, respectful, determined, brave and loyal. I do see these qualities in myself and I expect to see some of these traits in my friends (including compassion). Despite these great traits I always feel the need to prove myself, to gain recognition or praise. I love getting praise I sometimes feel like a little kid stuck inside a grown up body filled with mixed emotions that I cannot comprehend or fully understand.

I guess I really just want people to respect and understand me and everybody else. I hate those people who pretend they care or understand when they really don't. It really ticks me off I know the human race has trouble being open but why can't someone just go all out and be honest! Yeah so what if it affects people greatly how would the world be if we were all honest?
Eyecelphil Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You called up all my values, nothing missing, nothing too much. :)
It's like i'm looking in a mirror..
Madame-Meepers Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You know, I'm quite like you when you put that list down, maybe with a few bit of differences. An example would be from the "I hate X!". I'm more likely to say the "You shouldn't hate X, have you even given it a try?" or more accurately "You shouldn't say that you hate X unless I know you have tried it and give a good reason for it".
Pseudolonewolf Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hmm, I've seen people before who 'like' or 'hate' things, but when asked *why*, they give an "I dunno, I just do" kind of response... I'd forgotten about that, because the very idea is alien to me, as I have deep and thorough reasons for liking or disliking anything and could probably write essays if asked about 'why'...

Perhaps that's why it's annoying to me when people say that I shouldn't hate X; I know perfectly well why it's in my 'dislike pile', since it wasn't put there whimsically...
But more than anything, I like people who can complain *with* me rather than complaining at me for complaining.
themiragechild Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012
In class, we did a wonderful exercise in which we wrote on 10 notecards the values we hold dear to ourselves. For example, Family, Responsibility, Empathy, Science, etc. (It could be anything) It's not necessarily values, but it is things we hold dear to ourselves; things that impact us and have shaped who we are. Our teacher then had us eliminate a few of those values, one by one, until there were only two left. The question this exercise set forth was "What values are the most important to you?"; "If you had to lose the majority of your values, which two would you keep?"

My remaining notecards had "Complexity" and "Morality" written on them. I value these two things so much, and I see these two as an extension of Empathy (the two values are what truly make up Empathy). For their notecards, many people wrote like "Family," "Friends," "Education," "Love," etc. But I think I value my two values the most.

Question: If you were to do this exercise, which two values would you keep?
Pseudolonewolf Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What does 'complexity' mean or represent to you? Or 'morality'? I personally wouldn't link 'morality' and 'empathy' because of how the two things work in my mind; I see 'morality' as a conscious, thought-out set of 'right and wrong' values and rules, or something like that, while 'empathy' is more of a primal 'I cry when you cry' sort of emotional thing... As such, a dog could never be said to be 'moral' or 'immoral' because it lacks the mental capacity for such concepts, but if it yawns when you yawn, or whines when you're distressed - as some do - it could be said to have 'empathy'...

I'd probably choose 'Empathy' as one of my two, if I had to choose just two; clearly it's something I'm passionate about, if specific about its meaning (I see it as an emotional rather than consciously mental thing). It also encompasses many of the other values, which basically involve avoiding hurting others because you wouldn't want to be hurt yourself... 'Empathy' as a word is something that I use often to describe my general set of values...

As for the other one... perhaps 'Understanding'? That's wide enough to encompass many things too. Empathy is a sort of understanding in itself, a deep kind, and I wish to be understood by others and to truly reach an understanding with one who is on the same wavelength as myself... I also seek to understand all kinds of different things - it's why introspection and personality models are valuable and interesting to me - and I seek to *explain* in detail too, as I am doing here, to foster understanding rather than remaining enigmatic or guarded in order to seem impressive or strong...
I dislike people who give blunt orders without reason - "Do as I say because I say so!" - and have always had reasons given for why I should act a certain way - "If you do X, Y will happen, so please don't do X".
I feel that peace can only be achieved through understanding, and I wish so intensely that people would better understand things like... how introverts don't like what extroverts like, how 'tough love' is not helpful for everyone, how much it hurts to be on the receiving end of trolling, etc, etc...

So yes... "Empathy" and "Understanding", I suppose, though obviously I don't like being brief so I don't like the idea of being limited to just two...
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